Why You’ll End Up Outgrowing Your Friends.

You may have stumbled upon this post because you are the kind of person who is going through some rough patches most likely with a significant other, but some with friendships. If you are going through a rough patch check out my last post on navigating life’s ups and downs.

In the end, you want to know when it is time to let go. First, I’ll break down some scenarios and why you are finding it hard to let that specific person (people) go. 

In the end, you want to know when it is time to let go. First, I’ll break down some scenarios and why you are finding it hard to let that specific person (people) go.

When you are growing up, it’s expected that your friends from elementary/middle/high school are the people you will grow old with. 

That’s a normal thing since life is about to start after high school, for some junior high. I say this because you are not allowed to vote yet, you are allowed to take on tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt to go to pursue a higher education. How are you expected to know who will be sticking around in ten years? 

The way I feel now after going through many friendships and relationships is that if it’s not progressing anyone to be better, what purpose is there for it?

You can have those friends who are there and you have a pleasant time with, just shooting the shit, but once the person becomes a negative influence it is best to move on. 

A lot stems from insecurities in yourself, being young there is this feeling of anxiousness of being alone because making new friends or meeting new people feels like a challenging thing. You feel so insecure about not being able to make these deep connections you have built over the years. 

This is a bias, creating relationships does not take years to build. There are people like you looking for people like you, which are people who want to grow and be better. Now I’m not saying you are going to find people on their own looking for other people on this journey also alone but you will find groups who you can integrate with. 

The next thing holding you back from moving on from relationships that have run their course is you tell yourself, “I have been in this relationship/friendship for over X amount of time, I can’t throw all of that away.” Wrong you can throw it away and you should, throwing something that doesn’t give your life anything positive should be thrown away. 

Why would you keep a car that keeps letting you down, stranded on the side of the road just because it is your first car, you should not be holding onto that type of baggage especially if you are young.

I experienced this early in life with one of my first relationships from high school. The relationship itself was not a waste of time, but it had run its course early. I let it drag on for a few more years. That part was a waste of time since there was no way that it would work long-term.  

If you are in this same scenario, where you know the relationship that is off and on again. It would be in your best interest long term to end it. Do not fear that you will not find someone else to be with. Maybe sometime in the future, you meet each other again and it starts back up again. 

Whatever your decision, you must fully commit to either leaving or making it work. Commitment is essential and deserves its post, if you are still half in and half out, it will be a negative impact on your overall quality of life. 

Here are some frameworks that can help you get over these mental blocks.

First, you should check out my other article How drinking beer can make you a more interesting person. This is a simple and great mental model that will help you be more creative with your conversations.

Another simple and actionable thing to do is to take advantage of talking to cashiers or anyone else who may work in retail. Being able to make small talk in the beginning, will help you feel comfortable talking to strangers. Start with a simple “How’s it going?” or make an observation about how busy it is or is not to get the other person talking and get comfortable making people smile. 

If you are at the age to go to a bar, I suggest finding a mellow place so that you can talk with the bartender there, it’s easy to talk to them because it is their literal job to talk to you and give you excellent customer service. This will help you overcome any insecurity you may feel about strangers.

I get some of these tips from listening to an old podcast called The Art of Charm. There is something still around, but not what it was. I still get great tips from the co-founder who has a new podcast named after himself called the Jordan Harbinger Show. You can go and listen to his starter pack section of communication on his website here. Highly recommend listening to a few other shows.

At the very least to be a more confident person, you should be having a short conversation with anyone you encounter while making eye contact and smiling. If you do this at least 5 times a day, you can progress to deeper conversations. You may not end up with your next significant other, but at the very least it is a simple way to be a customer and get above-average service, but do not forget to tip.

Cheers, UG.